Holding a candle
Today I put the finishing touches on the table I've spent the last two evenings building in the garage. It's a workbench-style table with a shelf for storage. It was needed desperately for a spot between the door and a rack of shelves. Over the last few months that spot-- a pile of neglected, disheveled items heaped upon the dusty concrete-- screamed out at me to build a table for it, with shelves, and a 2" lip around the perimeter for clamping. Well, yesterday I heeded the screams and started building.
Tonight, when I finished and had it in place I put my toolbag on the middle shelf. This was the moment of truth. Even though you know your way around a circular saw and a speed square, and you used good screws and carpenter's glue and you measured each cut twice too much, you still hold your breath at the moment you use it for its intended purpose, like tasting a hot pepper you've grown for the first time, or pressing the power button on a computer you've just built. It's one of those moments when the clouds stop to watch.
The shelf held. The clouds nodded and resumed their journey.
That was all the satisfaction I needed. That's all the satisfaction any man needs. When he builds a shelf or mounts one to the wall and it holds the first thing he places on it, be it the saw or drill he used to make it, a candle from a nearby shelf, or his bag of tools, then he is happy. He is complete. He is proven as sturdy as the shelf he just built. Nothing is worse for the male ego than a shelf that fails to hold a candle.
This table is much more robust than it needs to be. It will never hold anything heavier than a case of water/beer, my Dewalt 5-piece kit of power tools, assorted wet towels, perhaps some work equipment and miscellaneous sports gear. But it can hold so much more. The reason? Two words: shoulder cuts. A shoulder cut is accomplished by removing material from the top of each leg, enough so that the top frame sits upon the leg, rather than simply being fastened from the side. The weight of the top is therefore supported by the vertical strength of the leg, rather than the connecting strength of the screw. Oh, whatever. Just know it's all very exciting to the amateur engineer/woodworker/mad scientist inside me.
Okay, that's it, there's another quest. Someday, before I die, I'm going to break this damn table. I'm going to put so much weight on it that it splinters into a million or several dozen pieces! Mwahhahaahhaa!
The best part about the table is the 2" lip. This means I can clamp anything I want to it, except for pets and girlfriends. The lip is key to future woodworking projects. One of my favorite non-sexual fantasies is to someday build furniture, for purposes both indoors and outdoors, and I don't mean hillbilly furniture. I'm talking quality stuff, solid craftsmanship, quality wood, anal-retentive measuring and proper tool usage. Something that will impress myself and my friends. I'd like to build custom entertainment centers, desks, flower planters, cabinets, maybe even chairs! I'd like to build chessboards and custom lamps, picture frames and beehives.
Now, however, I don't have the space, or the time, or the knowledge, or the proper tools, so all I have to go on is my desire and my hope that someday I will have all of those things. And someday I will. I promise that. For now, I'll have to settle for a sturdy shelf.
Tonight, when I finished and had it in place I put my toolbag on the middle shelf. This was the moment of truth. Even though you know your way around a circular saw and a speed square, and you used good screws and carpenter's glue and you measured each cut twice too much, you still hold your breath at the moment you use it for its intended purpose, like tasting a hot pepper you've grown for the first time, or pressing the power button on a computer you've just built. It's one of those moments when the clouds stop to watch.
The shelf held. The clouds nodded and resumed their journey.
That was all the satisfaction I needed. That's all the satisfaction any man needs. When he builds a shelf or mounts one to the wall and it holds the first thing he places on it, be it the saw or drill he used to make it, a candle from a nearby shelf, or his bag of tools, then he is happy. He is complete. He is proven as sturdy as the shelf he just built. Nothing is worse for the male ego than a shelf that fails to hold a candle.
This table is much more robust than it needs to be. It will never hold anything heavier than a case of water/beer, my Dewalt 5-piece kit of power tools, assorted wet towels, perhaps some work equipment and miscellaneous sports gear. But it can hold so much more. The reason? Two words: shoulder cuts. A shoulder cut is accomplished by removing material from the top of each leg, enough so that the top frame sits upon the leg, rather than simply being fastened from the side. The weight of the top is therefore supported by the vertical strength of the leg, rather than the connecting strength of the screw. Oh, whatever. Just know it's all very exciting to the amateur engineer/woodworker/mad scientist inside me.
Okay, that's it, there's another quest. Someday, before I die, I'm going to break this damn table. I'm going to put so much weight on it that it splinters into a million or several dozen pieces! Mwahhahaahhaa!
The best part about the table is the 2" lip. This means I can clamp anything I want to it, except for pets and girlfriends. The lip is key to future woodworking projects. One of my favorite non-sexual fantasies is to someday build furniture, for purposes both indoors and outdoors, and I don't mean hillbilly furniture. I'm talking quality stuff, solid craftsmanship, quality wood, anal-retentive measuring and proper tool usage. Something that will impress myself and my friends. I'd like to build custom entertainment centers, desks, flower planters, cabinets, maybe even chairs! I'd like to build chessboards and custom lamps, picture frames and beehives.
Now, however, I don't have the space, or the time, or the knowledge, or the proper tools, so all I have to go on is my desire and my hope that someday I will have all of those things. And someday I will. I promise that. For now, I'll have to settle for a sturdy shelf.
Labels: Adventures in Miscellany
posted by ET @ 7:10 PM
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