From the Random Quote Machine (RQM):

"What's the matter? Do you have something in your eye?"

"No, but I have something in my diaper."

Hilarious.

I love my nephews.

(Well, technically, my cousin's kid, but he calls me Uncle, which makes him my nephew, right?)

(And don't give me that shit about how if it isn't obvious what someone is to you then they are a "cousin"-- second cousin, third cousin once removed, fourth cousin twice baked, fifth cousin don't give him sugar, blah blah blah. If he's three and I'm twenty-eight and good friends with his dad and his dad's brother (MY cousins), then I'm one of his uncles. Sure, make a list of his uncles and I won't be at the top but I certainly don't belong on his list of cousins. So I'm an uncle. Problem solved.)

(Oh, and FYI, he's apparently grasped the idea of peeing in a toilet but the pooping in a toilet thing has thrown him for a loop. Being that he is three, it's important to clarify why he hasn't joined us porcelain sitters. His grandma reports that while he's cool with urinating he struggles with the notion of poo because he feels that he's losing something important to him, that he's losing pieces of himself. This is why he was distressed by his full diaper, and why I noticed his reddened eyes, prompting my question about their condition. Even at his young age he's acquired a fear of losing parts of his body, which is a good thing. It'll keep his fingers out of light sockets, away from stuck gumball machines and off of railroad tracks. Retaining body parts is important for survival and breeding, especially with how picky women can be, and the child clearly has strong instincts. By next December I'm sure he'll be corn-squirting and wiping like the rest of us.)

(Fuck, did I just I write an entire post about my infant nephew's excretory system?)

Jesus.